I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
