I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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