I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
