Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
