I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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