For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
