Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
