i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my poor anus
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
