If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
