I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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