I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
