you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
