your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
