I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
