We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
