So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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