I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
