that's an acceptable place to lick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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