Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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