I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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