He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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