omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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