Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
