She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
