Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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