Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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