making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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