thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
