Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
