he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love having hate sex.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
