I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
there's paper in my vomit.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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