Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
please don't ironically join a cult
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