I accidentally had phone sex last night
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
