drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
