turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
