remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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