u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
