hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
