Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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