What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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