So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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