I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
