I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
