May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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