It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
