left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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