I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
