I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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