You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
