YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
