I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
